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12.27.2004
My grandmother has this pie that she makes every year... this pumpkin pie... that "comes from the old country..." which I believe is Pittsburgh. Oh it takes forever to make and it's such hard work. It's so exhausting to make this pie. Every once in a while she'll stop and just brush her brow and go, "Oh Chris...Ooohh" and sigh. It's been like an hour and a half and I go "How's that pie coming along Granny?" and she's all "Oooh Chris... I've just finished making the pie.... crust." I don't know where the saying easy as pie came from... maybe if yah put the frozen pie into the oven but that slogan has been around since long before frozen pies or even freezers. I tried making a cherry pie once and that was no walk in the park. First, you get your cherries... you have to squish them all up... what a mess that is. Then you get a little hat, if you wanna protect your hair... or you just cover yourself in plastic if you want to stay safe, that's actually the best way because as soon as you take the cherries and you try to pit them, you'll get it all in your eyes and you'll run around screaming "My Eyes!!!" Then you have to preheat your oven and if there's one thing I can teach you, and you know I love to educate, that is preheat your oven. At that point your hands are stained with all the red, you're covered in flour, you've burned yourself repeatedly, you've ripped your sleeve, you have cherry juice in your eyes, does any of this sound easy? And you haven't even made the pie crust yet. Rolling out the dough... that's the hardest thing. You have to be in very very good shape because you have to roll out the dough... what you can use, or what I use, is one of those Ab Rollers... you can just lay on the ground with that thing and roll out the dough... it's such a wonderful workout for the abs... that's how Cher stays in such great shape because she bakes. It's exercise to workout in the kitchen, making a pie... because if you put the pie tin on a nice high shelf, then you have to reach for it, which is a good stretch for the latissamis dorsal finnis (wtf) and your on the edge of your feet so you have that upwards motion going which is working the back of your foot and leg... they call it the calves, and plus, it's also good for the gluts... right... and what's good for the gluts is good for the glander.
frusterbated boi [
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